Years
1/23/2024
Years
"If you could turn back time and relive one day, which day would it be?" I knew the answer immediately. Last year. End of spring. On a day that, just beginning, I thought I would pass out from fear and joy at the same time. I could write down that day minute by minute, second by second, not forgetting a single strand of hair, not a single long or gentle breeze. That day, it seemed like chestnut trees bloomed just for this occasion. And not just that day. If I could, I would turn back all the years and experience them again. They were not just endless joy. Perhaps the essential wonder is that over the passing years, I finally experienced the whole palette of emotions that I had not known until now. I never loved more than I did in the past 365 days. The world, people, myself. I never felt so loved. Probably, I always was. Maybe it just realized that last year. Those sunset evenings that seemed romantic to everyone but me, felt so lonely that it seemed physically painful. Until all the evening shades lead me to the most important place. Those who have been reading me for years probably remember that before last year, I had to endure the worst year of my life. Perhaps it's true that the darkest hour comes just before the sunrise.
It's strange to admit that the book was not the highlight of my year, not the cherry on the cake. Its was an important moment of my life. Still, I waited for the first edition like a ticket to freedom, like permission to start a new life. And when I finally got it, I stood there stunned, not knowing what to do with that ticket. I hoped that fate, having turned its wheel, would take it away from me again, as it had happened more than once. Probably, as in all those times, I wanted someone else to make the most important life decisions for me. Until one morning I woke up and felt that it was time. Finally, use that ticket. "To save the world, you must first save yourself."
I'm a little afraid of what these years will be like. The feeling is like after a good roller coaster ride - the legs are still shaking, but I'm already looking at other attractions, wondering if there will be something more impressive than before. It's good that I've already understood that the scariest days are necessary to appreciate the most beautiful ones. And when the most beautiful ones finally happen? Do the best years have an expiration date? Probably life is interesting precisely because we get the most important answers only over time.
And now I'm here. Talking to the winds and the ocean, as people talk to God. Calm. For now. It feels like I‘m holding a new, gifted book in my hands. I don't know what it's about or what genre it is. I only know that it has 365 pages. And I will try to read them slowly.